During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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