Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
