I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
