So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
