Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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