we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Randomize
