Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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