i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
