Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
