Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
