You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
