The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
