How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
