Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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