I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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