smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
