come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
