Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
3pm strippers are depressing
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
