Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
