worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
