As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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