I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
