You smell like stripper and shame
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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