it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
