You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
