Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
