I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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