DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
