I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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