Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
