My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
