I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
operation have a gay friend backfired
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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