I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
