Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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