Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
