I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I forgot how hot balto sounded
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
