dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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