there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My ass is underappreciated
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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