Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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