this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
