so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
