Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
did i walk over a car last night?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
