I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
