I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
