put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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