WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
