I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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