its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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