i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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