Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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