so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
