Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
In America we eat man semen.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
