benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize