I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
