Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
