So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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