had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
