yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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