that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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