I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
