He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
