My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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