Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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