they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My life is pants optional.
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