I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
