And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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